Labels: Going Gaga over Guys, Having A Moment, La La, Life, Love, My God I'm Going Emo

Your Family Is 42% Dysfunctional

Your family definitely has some problems, but probably nothing that can't be overcome.You don't have the greatest past with your family, and bad feelings may arise when everyone's together.It may take some individual or group therapy to work everything out. And that means your family has to admit there's a problem.If your family isn't ready to change, you may need to give them some distance for a while.

You Can Make 75% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

He's Over Her!

Don't worry about a thing - your guy is totally over his ex.He's moved on, found someone better, and he's never looking back!

You Should Wear A Black Bikini

You're too sophisticated to be a typical beach bunny...But you may need a bikini to wear to a swanky pool party!

It's 80% Love and 20% Lust

You and your guy are truly in love, even if that spark seems to be a little dimmer.

You Are More Mild Than Wild

You're confident, and you really aren't concerned with how "hot" you are.Other people's ideas of what's sexy don't concern you. And this is exactly what makes you attractive.

Your Love Is Represented By a Pink Rose

You see love as something that should be light, fun, and whimsical. People fall in love with you easily. And you tend to fall out of love easily!You express your love through attention and shared experiences. You love people more than they realize.

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one.But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by.You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you.That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl

While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about.You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be.

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue

You've got the personality of a blue eyed womenYou're intense and expressive - and always on the goYou've also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in

You Mostly Have Your Emotions in Check

Sometimes your emotions get out of control, but you usually are a pretty stable person.You can find a lot to be happy about, as long as things are going your way.But if a few bad things happen to you, you tend to go in a bit of a downward spiral.Luckily, you usually come out of it okay and no worse for the wear.

Labels: Quizzes, Randomness is Just Who I Am

I just felt inspired to write poetry, I get this way when I have headaches.
I have been watching movie after movie continously for the last two days, it is starting to affect my mental health methinks.
Now, poetry :

Lost in You - Me

I don't understand anymore,
If this pain that I feel,
Is my heart behind a locked door,
And you threw away the key.

It sort of feels like I've been here before,
Like these tears are coming back to haunt me,
And I don't think I want to feel sore,
But sorrow's a probability.

And there's no piece of me left that you haven't shattered,
There's no love that you haven't sucked me dry of,
I've fallen at your feet, so many times, I'm battered,
And this emotion you've left me with, this undying love,
Is tearing me, into a million pieces of who,
I used to be,
And you've got me saying, I'm so sorry,
I'm just lost , so lost, in you.

You could call me names,
You could hit me across the face,
But somehow I come back to you, the treatment's always the same,
But in your arms, I find a better place.

I feel like I've been ripped in two,
I feel like nothing makes sense,
Like I'm just a part of who's standing in front of you,
And I can't say I love you in the past tense

No one understands, that who I am was who you made me out to be,
And now I'm too far gone, too far gone this cold, winding road to see,
That everything, everything I thought I was,
Was what I wanted to be for you,
And somehow, because,
I let myself get too lost in you.

I'm a broken soul,
Nothing of me is normal,
I will never again be whole,
I'll just hope to be free from your torment,
Because all I am,
All I wanted to be,
Was what you said,
What you said you thought you saw in me,
But I don't know,
I don't know what it is you thought you'd seen

Because I've tried so hard,
To be who you thought I should,
I've tried it all,
I did all that I could,

And just when I thought I'd lost everything I had before,
You said you were coming back ,
And now I see you there, walking back through my door,
You're like a sharp heart attack

sorry,
I said it's over,
You said forgive me,
I said I'm not sober,
You said you loved me,
Said you needed me,
What am I supposed to do,
Am i supposed to take you back just because I've lost myself in you?

----------00-000000000-0000000-000000000000-000000000000-000000000-00----

Another one i should think, before I hop in for a shower , ^_^


There's a soft little sound,
While I'm lying on your bed,
I'm trying to get my feet on the ground,
And trying to get you out of my head,

And you come back from your shower,
And stare at me naked on your sheets,
And you tell me to get up and go,
And our eyes meet.

Baby, how does it feel,
Knowing you can't control me,
How does it feel,
Knowing that you need me.
Oh why can't those glaring eyes see ,
That everytime you try to force me,
I tell you go screw yourself, go screw yourself, my baby.

So I'm telling all these voices,
That I should be letting go,
Of something that's hurting me inside,
Yes, I know,
That girl I saw you with last week,
She wasn't just a friend,
She and I, we got a chance to speak,
And all your dirty little secrets she did tell.

Was it not good enough for you,
All the nasty things I let you try,
All the places I let you take me to,
And for all the things you got off on that made me cry?

Time waits for no man,
So I'm going to have to speed things up,
Kill you the best way I can,
Because you're messing me up, messing up our love,

I saw you with her,
Her pretty little blonde head,
I hope you remember,
How she looked lying sprawled on your bed,
And I hope you said to her,
How much you loved her beautiful body
Because I've just done something,
Done something that amazes me,

I've made you regret,
I'm forcing you to respect,
I want you to forget,
That slut who put her hands down your pants, yes
And if you know me well enough,
You'll know I never give up,
Your luck has just run out, oh, isn't it tough?
I murdered your beautiful girlfriend.

xxooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooo
Ok, that one was a bit hmmmmm....
Lol, it was inspired by this movie, where this guy and girl like each other, and then purposely to screw with her feelings the guy cheats on her, with this hot chick, and the girl kills the chick.
MUCHO PSYCHO ^_^
Anyways, shower. Mwahz, love you all.
xx
Netty

Labels: Poetifulness, Rantification and Randomity

So, I've been listening to Thirsty Merc's song, Whole World Reminds Me Of You.
I am truly in love with this song hahaha, it's just so beautiful and so touching and its got a casual beat and it's nice too, and it's meaning is pretty.

Oh and this other song.... Pieces - Red

Listen to these two songs, especially pieces

"Pieces"

I'm here again

A thousand miles away from you

A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am

I tried so hard

Thought I could do this on my own

I've lost so much along the way

Then I'll see your face

I know I'm finally yours

I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name

I come to you in pieces

So you can make me whole

I've come undone

But you make sense of who I am

Like puzzle pieces in your eye

Then I'll see your face

I know I'm finally yours

I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name

I come to you in pieces

So you can make me whole!

I tried so hard! So hard!

I tried so hard!

Then I'll see your face

I know I'm finally yours

I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name

I come to you in pieces

So you can make me whole

So you can make me whole

I was just thinking about something my boyfriend told me a while ago about how his heart was kinda broken into little puzzle pieces and how I was helping him to put some of the pieces together.

I thought that what he said finally started to make sense after I read this song.

Oh, and , the whole world reminds me of you , that song....ah, good story behind that

The Whole World Reminds Me Of You
by Thirsty Merc
album: Slideshows (2007)
I set off on the open road
I guess I've got to find myself that's true
I don't know what I'm looking for
Well maybe all the roads lead back to you
The journey only makes me cry
I'm such a fucking selfish guy its true
I've probably gone and done it right?
I've probably gone and lost you..
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have
All i got is memories
And slideshows of cityscapes
I don't know what came over me
I Don't know what came over me to make me go away
I guess I'm just a lost dog
I Guess i'm just young and confused again
I'll try and work out what i want
I hope i see you again
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have
Of You yeah
And the villiage is lined with street markets
But i know i'll see you again
I dont know why i left when the targets
Were on the sights again
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have
Why does the whole world remind me of you?
She's all i ever knew
Its so bad
When a photograph is all you have...

Ok, so this song, is kinda like an ode to Josh, who , you know, still apparently has me on his phone wallpaper for some strange reason, and I understand, he really did love me. And I was bitchy enough to ignore that. I wish i didn't doubt people's feelings so much, and mistrust people, lol

Anyways, Josh, this is thanks for all the memories you've given me and I hope you find a beautiful girl who'll love you back as much as you love her.

*hugs Josh *

*hugs Marcus*

*hugs every guy she knows*

*hugs Tim*

Life is complex , no?

ON A LIGHTER NOTE : EXAMS ARE OVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

Yes

That's

O

V

E

R

OVER = FREEDOM!!!

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Yes, i am happy , don't judge

Tonight , a party was to be had, and marcus was going to take me, but josh and him were deciding who would pick me up when marcus slapped josh and josh was like WTF.

I think something's wrong with Marcus. He's just going off for some reason. I need to have a LONG chat with him.

Apparently, he's jealous that I'm in a relationship yet again and he hasn't had one in months. MAYBE IF HE STOPPED OBSESSING OVER HIS EX AND MOVED ON.

I like marcus, he's a nice guy.

But i hate him for ruining his life because of me. and we didn't even like each other that much, ours was a user-relationship. I usd him for stuff, he used me for stuff.

Popularity for money.

Simple.

And it's pissing me off that my bf is taking marcus's affection as me saying yes please.

W?HAT? THE HELL?!argh

blog later

YAY

exams over

hope you all have awse hols

BYe!

Labels: Rantification and Randomity, Vids

His Point Of View :

" Did you hear that? ", I mumbled as I walked down the steps leading to the ground floor.
" Hear what? "
" That. That .... brr noise "
" What brr noise?"
" That brr noise!"
" Ya know, for a Law graduate, you're a real dumbass ", she rolled her eyes at me and gave me a playful shove from behind.
" Oh, yeah? Well, for a Med student, you're a real dumbass for dating a real dumbass. Uh huh! TAKE THAT! Ooh, would you like some ice for that burn? " I smirked and poked my tongue out at her.
She stopped in her step and glared up at me, and I immediately regretted talking back at her.
" Oh, you oaf. " That's all I heard her say as she pushed past me to get to the door at the end of the hallway.
Crap, crap, crap, crap, I've done it again, me and my big mouth. I have no idea why but for some strange reason I seem to have this insane need to screw things up by being oversmart. Like word vomit.
I just open my mouth.
And poof.
Word.
Vomit.
Like an uncontrollable spew of absolute gibberish of which I mean absolutely little and it's just because my brain thinks a lot slower than my mouth works.
" Gaah, I'm sorry, please, just come back, you know I'm dumb, you know I screw up heaps, but you know I - " and then I stopped.
See, most people would stop because they have something caught in their throat, the proverbial frog, as an illustration. Some people would stop because they just don't have anything left to say.
I stopped because I knew that I couldn't say what I wanted to say the most.
And that.
Simply Was.
That I love her.
There really was no question about it.
There was about 0.05% of me that didn't love her and that was because it wasn't even alive.
I loved everything about her. I loved the way her hair sort of shimmered in the sun and bounced about when she was walking. I loved running my hand through it. You know the expression, smooth as silk? She proves it.
And then of course there's her smile. Oh, God. That gorgeous set of teeth. I know, sounds a bit like a dental hygienist visit, but I swear, she had the straightest, neatest, brightest, set of teeth possible on a human being. And she had sweet soft lips that she put this insanely delicious lip gloss over.
And her body. Well, that's an entirely different subject. She kept on complaining about how she wasn't in the best shape and that she needed to lose a ton of weight and that she simply had no room left in her for any more fat ( though she'd proceed to gulp down a packet of crisps promptly after that statement ). Yet, somehow, I didn't see what she was on about. She had a beautiful figure; not skin and bones, not fat as an elephant ( like she liked to think ), but just right. Curves in all the right places. Not that I would have cared. Her personality would have made up for every inch of physical imperfection.
And I don't lie.
I'm going to roll out a huge bunch of cliches here, and I know you may potentially throw things at me for being such a sop, but frankly, this is how it works.
She walks into a room, and I swear, it's like a light's walked in. I can't think of anything else but her when she's standing next to me and looking up at me with her deep green eyes. I can see the world in those eyes. I can see my future with her.
I've had a lot of time to think of a future with the two of us together, actually, recently.
Now that she's coming off her parents' divorce nicely, and I've just got back from rehab, and I'm all drug- and alcohol-free, I think we're both in a really good place.
A really really good place.
I've been imagining us together, just sort of, starting off sitting on a bench in the middle of this empty park, and we're looking out over the city, and we're not kissing , we're just touching, just holding hands, just touching each other in the softest but most intimate way possible on a park bench in the middle of the evening, watching the sunset. And then, I imagine getting down on one foot, and just looking into those emerald eyes. I tell her everything I've wanted to say so badly for so long. The lines keep changing in my head, I keep refining the ideas, the thoughts, the compliments, I slow down my speech, I edit commas and punctuation marks, spelling and pronunciation, getting every word right in my head for when it finally happens.
So far, the only thing I've perfected is " I love you more than you will ever know. Will you marry me, Virginia Marsel? " Yes, I know, not the most eloquent line, but you have to understand, I'm pretty dissatisfied with myself. I just have so much to say, so much to tell her, so much I want her to know, so much I can't fit into my head, and it explodes in my mind, in my dreams, like a lovepalooza.
And it's at that point that my dreams tend to come to crossroads. Earlier, I used to have only dreams of her saying no, and walking away and just living me there, and the wind picks up slightly and I freeze over time in that position, incapable of moving, incapable of running away from the situation, incapable of letting the situation run away from me, just clinging to the box with the ring in it, hoping to God someone comes along and stabs me in the heart, so I can die, and not remain still in time, enduring those moments , those hours, those years, knowing that the one I love doesn't love me back.
But, now, it's a different story.
Now, I've been having these vivid dreams of her bursting into tears and jumping into my arms and crying out a muffled Yes, and hugging me and holding me and not letting me go, and shrieking with delight, and looking at the ring, then looking at me and me wiping the tears, and giving her the longest and most passionate and most meaningful kiss and the moon sort of delicately settles over us, and it seems like everything's just right in the world.
Of course, there's the things that come after that, like, the wedding, and the laughter in trying to plan it, like the different coloured plates, the different invitiations, what our names will be after we get married, and how good they sound together. The marriage bands, the marriage vows. I think I'd like to have my own marriage vows. Strange for a guy, I know, but, hey, I'm just like that. Call me overemotional or overthinking or GAY for all I care. I just..... I think about these things. I didn't think about them, though, till she came along and just....she just changed me. I can't explain it, but it's like things became a bit more bearable. A bit more.... normal. And I loved knowing that even if I did get into trouble, she'd be there by my side to guide me.
Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes, the wedding. Ah, she's walking down the aisle in this bit of my dream, she's got that soft smile on her face, that she gets when she's happy but she's trying not to burst out into laughing fits of joy and bounce around. Ever the proper girl.
I take her hand, we read our vows, we exchange rings. We're married.
It's beautiful, the whole thing, really. Til death do us part, he says, in sickness and in health. Everything, I'll be there for her for EVERYTHING. There is so little left inside me that isn't hers, that it's impossible that if something happens to her it won't not affect me.
Now, we've got kids.... two, three, four. Four is amazing. All that fun, a nice big family, going down to the beach, going shopping, tackling the boys , playing soccer with them, the family dog joining in too. The boys grow up and become spiffy engineers and lawyers, and the girls become brainy beautiful doctors, and everyone's happy. And she's spent the better part of her married life at home, taking care of them, the cute little housewife, giving me the peck on the lips before I head out to the office, being there to cuddle when I'm tired from work and need to relax.
Oh, don't worry, I'm not disillusioned. I know marriage is tough and it's hard work and it's not all glitter and gold. We fight, and we get cross and once we threw things at each other, but that was an accident. But, it's all worth it. It's our way of communicating. We argue. It's the only way we know how. I say something stupid, she reacts, but we eventually calm down and we realise that it's wasted being angry, when you love someone this much.

Oh, now the kids are gone. And we're alone. And we grow old together. And we sit in our rocking chairs on the patio and the kids come to visit with their kids! Oh, wonderful! Oh, and now .... we die in each others' arms. Just sleeping, lying there, looking at each other's sleeping faces.
And my dream ends and I wake up. And it's beautiful. And I fall in love with her about 800 times in one dream. And I jump out of bed and reach for my phone and she's already up and she's waiting for my call on the other end, and she's cooking breakfast and she invites me over and she's in those skimpy little shorts that I love and she's all bubbly and perky and such a morning person. And she looks so cute and housewifely and everything, and I replay the dream in my head, just putting her with a few more wrinkles, a bit more fat, and a few more gray hairs.
Beautiful.

I'm sorry, did I just go into an entire thing about how we were going to get married? I lost track of the story. Thinking about her just sets me off, I apologise greatly.
Now, where was I?
Ah, right, I'd messed up again .......so there I was apologising and trying not to say I love you.


Her Point Of View :
I think I almost cried.
He just stopped mid sentence. Like it hurt him to tell me how he felt. Like being around me was torture in itself, to confess that his heart wanted me and his head hated me, it was strangling him inside I bet.
I remember the first time he said I love you. I remember bursting out into laughter, because I knew it was just one big lie. Like he cared.
He didn't care at all.
Like all those moments I start talking to him and midsentence he decides to start talking about his car. I seriously feel like slapping him.
And all those insults. He just randomly says mean things, and there's a bit of me that knows he's joking, but there's a bigger bit going, " But , What If He Meant It?"
Plus, all the times he just pisses me off by not defending me when his friends who I also happen to be friends with make fun of me. Like, I'll be standing there, and one of his " best friends " says , " Haha, you're such a dork . " or something along those lines. Nothing really serious, I'm sure he'd step in there, but I wanted him to defend me even for the little things. If he loved me, he'd do that wouldn't he?
Or all the times that I wait for a call from him but he doesn't call, he doesn't email, he doesn't do anything. He just....waits for me to say something. Why?! Does this mean I want to talk to him but he doesn't want to talk to me? Because if he did, the book says he'd write first. But, nope, nothing.
And when I pointed it out a couple of weeks ago, he was like, oh, but I don't want to swamp you with me, and oh, I don't want you to get bored of me or anything.
How can I possibly?!
I love him, goddamnit.
I love everything he does. The way his hair sort of sits in a messed up ruffled pile on his head, and how sensitive he is about it, but how much I love its messiness. It just makes him who he is. And I love running my hand through his hair. It's so much fun to play with. Like having my own dog at my disposal. And such an adorable dog too.

Labels: La La, Life, Love