L a s t S u m m e r;

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Cold

He comes to her, he holds her,
He kisses her, but she turns her face,
He asks her what's wrong, aren't you my lover,
Or has someone else taken my place.

She laughs, softly, a low chuckle that gets lost in the breeze,
She looks at him with the tears that he hates to see,
And she says,

The man I thought I loved,
The man I once knew,
He has long since gone.
Yes, someone has taken his place.
Someone who knows not the difference between the truth and a lie.
Who worships deceit more than the benefit of his soul
Who looks upon me , with those lying eyes
Deceiving me into believing that he was reformed.

You used to be my shoulder to cry on,
Now someone else's shoulder I will seek,
No longer will I touch your hand,
For your hand is cold.

Labels: Deceit, Poetifulness

xx signed off at 2:58 PM

The Betrayal

She stood there, staring at the screen, her heart both pounding incessantly, yet, so slowly , she could swear time was stopping. The empty sickening pit that was forming in her stomach made her feel like gagging, the tears that slowly gathered in the crook of her eye, so dangerously close to spilling. The raw anger and the brutal hurt welled up inside her, the sheer animal need to see him hurt, the way she had been. Yet, the still burning love for him.

She closed the computer.
She closed her eyes.
She wished for one moment that he never existed.
She wished for one moment that their paths had never crossed.
She wished that she had never said hello to him in class.
She wished that she had never touched him.
She wished he had never asked her out.
She wished he had never said I love you.
She wished for one moment that he had meant it.

She clenched her fists tightly, and tried not to cry.
The desperate tears drowning her, the violence of the heartache she felt, swelling through her fingers, the blood rushing through her, soaring, incredible, the highest high due to the lowest low. Her lips quivered, trying to keep back the strangled sob of hate. The insanity of the million emotions flooding through her. So much anger, anger she had never felt before. She tried to breathe, but she was so scared she'd just scream. She felt her body shake, the rancid smell of weakness flooding her brain, the vehemence towards which she did not regard his state, so much as her state of being. The disappointment that she had let him in. That she had believed. That she had trusted. Every lie, every truth, the difference so subtle, she could barely tell.
The words began to swim as the brine of emotion in her eyes continued to gather. There, in that moment, she died.

Labels: Anger, Betrayal, Hurt, Poetifulness

xx signed off at 2:54 PM

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Some of the AMAZING songs I've heard recently, that I need to link lyrics

Morning After Dark lyrics
Morning After Dark - Timbaland

Tick Tock aka Dolla lyrics
Ke$ha - Tik Tok

Undertow - The Fray

Muse- Uprising

Lyrics | Muse lyrics - Uprising lyrics

Muse- Undisclosed Desires

Lyrics | Muse lyrics - Undisclosed Desires lyrics

:) DONE

Labels: Linkage, Lyrics, Musication for your soul

xx signed off at 5:21 PM

hahahaha, doesn't my title say it all :P pretty much the best title in the world? Yeah, I know, it was allllll me :P
Anyways erm, hmm, hmm, so much happened in such a short time, i don't know where to start?
Erm, firstly, you know about saturday? went out with some of meg's friends, had a bit of dimsum it was.......... actually it was like sex in a small chinese form :P *that's what she said * and omg, they were actually amazing, BUT so expensive :P like two dollars for the piece. if you have no idea what dim sum is * proper dim sum, not that silly stuff you get from the chip shops on the road :) ( chip shops are i think what australians call like roadhouses which sell food on road trips? you know them! )
dim sum is *hits up Lord Wikipedia*

4_PC096225.jpg Pictures, Images and Photos

Dim sum is the name for a Chinese cuisine which involves a wide range of light dishes served alongside Chinese tea. Yum cha (literally "drinking tea") is the term used to describe the entire dining experience, especially in contemporary Cantonese. It is usually served in the mornings until noon time at Chinese restaurants and at specialty dim sum eateries where typical dishes are available throughout the day. Dishes come in small portions and may include meat, seafood, and vegetables, as well as desserts and fruit. The items are usually served in a small steamer basket or on a small plate. Some Chinese families like to gather for dim sum on special occasions such as Mother’s Day or Chinese New Year. Also, Chinese parents like to bring their children there Sunday mornings to meet and talk with their grandparents. Some people bring newspapers with them and discuss news with their families

so there's dim sum :) you order like plates of it, and you can ONLY eat with chopsticks in the restaurant we went to ( near Billy Lee's )

Anyways, so Friday, we had Tofu at this place in Thornlie, and that was delish and I met Fang Shin! She's one of my old friends from Brunei and MY GOD she's gotten tall, unfairrrrrrr :P
but she's awesome and she's funny and we're going together with some of my old Canning friends to go watch It's Complicated! That's the movie with erm....meryl streep, that dude from 30 rock who was also 'the shadow' ( you know, that movie where the guy is like.... a superhero or summat? tries to get the WEIRDEST looking sword .... LINKAGE
............
Or not :P
This linkage fail brought to you by Nethra Inc. )
anyways, alec baldwin, i figured out , the guy who also called his daughter a little pig? THAT'S THE ONE. The one who was shagging kim bassinger, ooooohhhhhhh yeaaahhh that's it! SF* = 10

Anyways, him and steve martin.I'd tell you the story, but i have nfi sooooo let's move along then.
So dim sum the next day ( we're practically chinese now ) , then came back, helped mum out and meg stayed out with her friends, then i left home at 5.30 and that's when awesome ensued :P me + h + m + s + a + l went to the paramount, and it was fun getting hit on and getting all my drinks bought for me ( YES ALL MY DRINKS . but we were fairly trashed, had like two shots of tequila before going out, THAT DRINK IS ACTUALLY POISON :P ) and yeah, didn't need to drink too much, and we just danced in our own group, and we're hot, and we know it :P hahaha, got back at 5 a.m. which is actually far more clubbing that I've been in a while so YAY :D impressive effort. I found this dress in the box of clothing i bought, and since i've lost some weight in the last week, it fit perfectly! YEW! I'm pretty awesome :P
Buuuuuuuuuuttttttt I had NO hangover? Because for once, i actually ate a tad before we went out, because you know h and m, fairly sure they're like advocates of responsible predrinking lmao. Yummy green thai chicken curry, we're talented group effort!
and then h dropped me home on her way to mandurah, and I got changed then went out for meg's bbq with mum :) we made some new friends, some of meg's work mates. I just realised how nice it feels to be checked out :P Officially dressing up everyday just to check myself out hahahaha.
Yeah.
I'm THAT up myself :(
j/k
Anyways, erm, we went for that bbq thingo, sat on the ground, and talked about a whole bunch of things, australians are a ton of fun to get along with, anddddd I drank red wine out of a glass in front of my family!!! :S mum wants us all to start drinking red wine now! healthy and all
anyways erm, we finished the bbq, got to meet santa, had a whippy!

Little Britain Andy and Lou Pictures, Images and Photos

and erm, then we drove down to mandurah and BOUGHT our spa yewwwwww it should be delivered on new years or a day or two after :D I'm sooo excited, pretty much going to just bubble away in the spa and chill out :)
and yeah, that was my weekend! brb =)
CIAO
xoxo
Netty

Labels: Happy Times, Iconisation, Insanity is Good For The Health, Life, Linkage, My Weekend, Randomness is Just Who I Am

xx signed off at 5:13 PM

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Puppies!

SOOOOOOO cute :)

xoxo netty

tomorrow, i go out for dimsum!

Labels: Linkage

xx signed off at 12:29 AM

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Lighter Side of Life :P

Soooooooooo

Just spent the last , i dunno, two hours watching nip/tuck. Dear god, what a show :P fairly sure this is what inspired me to do medicine a couple of months ago, and I still want to, but yeah, we'll see how life goes :P I'm glad that I at least have my mother and father and sister supporting on me. GFU to that other dude :P

Anywho, watching nip/tuck and BY GOLLY GEE julian mcmahon is gorgeous! and the other surgeon isn't so bad too. Which makes me wonder, would someone be more likely to get plastic surgery from someone good looking? I mean, an ugly doctor doesn't know his stuff if he's a plastico? clearly, stupid reasoning, but thank god there are goodlooking niptuckers :P

I was thinking about getting surgery, you know, a little pull here, a lot of push there, and i'll be shiny again! :D and then 'that other dude' will really regret letting me go :P

Oh, and btw, i am obsessed with Tik Tok by Ke$ha :P

brb! xoxo

Netty

Labels: Randomness is Just Who I Am

xx signed off at 1:13 PM

I'm Dreaming of A Thing Starting With T

Hey hey hey,

Wow, my second blog post in under 24 hours. does this make me a serious blogger? :P i feel like breaking out the printer and the glitter glue and making a shiny certificate. something snazzy, to show the kids :P with like cake all over it, because i've been eating cake for the last five seconds, and my fingers are covered in yummy, tia-maria-flavoured, with excess of vanilla essence, cake. soooooooo good.

Cake and chocolate really do make you feel a lot better ya know, :) like ..... warm showers ( hot showers pref :P though in summer the cold water tap on full is the same effect , darn you australian plumbing ), and sunny days with a bit of cloud, so you can go chill on a piece of grass and nibble on some lunch and just life catch up on its own :)

So anyways, decided to blog this time because of a dream I had, and it was really weird. It's one of those dreams where you wake up crying because you realise how utterly true it's going to be, and that's sad?

Anyways, the dream started out with me sitting in a car and tim's in the car with me. And we're not talking, not saying a word to each other just in our own worlds. then we're driving at like 200 km/h and i'm telling tim, please, slow down, if you love me, you'd slow down. So obviously, he starts speeding up and I'm crying and pleading with him to please slow down and then he looks at me for a second and says, i don't love you, and then the car crashes into the one in front of us but tim turns the wheel just in time so that the car veers to the right, and instead hits a full on impact on my side, and then i see him getting out of his side quickly by unbelting and stuff, and he starts talking to the guy in the car in front who's a 4wd driver and they're talking about insurance and oh, you know, these sort of accidents happen and nothing bad really happened and then the guy in the front car goes round to my side to check the damage there and he sees me just slumped over the wheel and blood is seeping out from my mouth and he starts yelling and saying, HEY there's a girl here ,she's REALLY badly injured, and tim just looks at him and goes, oh, her? nah, don't worry about it, i'll take care of her, and the guy in the car at the front looks suspiciously at tim and then goes, no, sorry, i'm taking her to the hospital, and tim says, meh, suit yourself, i'm not worried, and then he gets into the tow truck and drives away while this guy has put me in his care gently and his wife sits at the back to support my neck and they drive me to the hospital. and then the doctor tells them that i probably died on impact, and so they walk into the hospital room where i'm lying and there are scars and bruises and i'm bleeding into the gauze and they start crying and then they call my mum and dad and sister, and dad flies in from brunei and almost has a heart attack after he hears the news and they're all sitting there, all around my bed, holding my hand and weeping, and saying why did it have to be her? and meanwhile, i'm reliving all the memories i had of my family, like how my dad used to pick me up on his shoulders and carry me around the house. or how we used to go cycling in the park. how mum used to make breathing chicken fry :P how my sister defended me when dad was going to hit me with a hot oil ladle. how my sister spent all her bonus to get me the wii, how my mother cooks everyday and is so committed to my health. and then i started remembering all the times i had with tim, like the britney concert, the sneaky concert, the pink concert. singing along to songs, having him holding me from behind and supporting me so i don't fall over, and holding my place in line and trying desperately to like britney so i can enjoy it too. :) and things like how on our first date he bought me a rose and a teddy bear and we went and saw i now pronounce you chuck and larry, then we went to the foreshore and had our first kiss/notkiss

and then the next day when he came over and we watched movies together. I always think of that day when i'm watching movies with him, just being together, and kissing and hugging and not having to worry about being somewhere else, cuz right here was warm and good enough.

Then i think about how he used to walk me home from the bus stop, and recently from the train station, and how we used to talk about so much. and hiding from my family, and avoiding bus routes, and all the stress of that. I think about how we went to Mandurah for his 22nd b'day and we won prizes like katie the duck who is now my dog's pillow in the winter :P and pulling stupid faces in the train.

I think about how we used to go to the paramount and dance together, and he used to always make sure i was safe and pay for stuff even though he hadn't had much money on him.

I think about how we used to go play cards at wongs and get stuffed to the brim with chinese food.

all those memories just flashed by, and then i see him walking around happily even though i'm dead, he doesn't care at all, like i literally meant nothing to him anymore, and he's got a girl with him, and they're smiling and grinning and someone comes up to him and says, hey sorry about net, man, that's a tragedy, and he just laughs and he says, GOOD RIDDANCE. thank god i didn't stay with her for longer than 2 years. and then i'm sitting at the curtin bus stop watching him laugh with this girl as they get on the bus and he finds a seat then pulls away so she can get in first, and then puts his arm around her and the bus drives off and i'm just staring at them and crying knowing that he doesn't care if i'm dead or alive anymore, that he's so much happier now that he's with someone else. and then it comes back to the hospital room, and i'm lying there, and my mum pulls the plug on me, and she breaks down in tears, just clutching to the bedsheets and screaming, oh god please don't go, please wake up and everyone's trying to pull her away and calm her down, and everybody's crying, except tim.

and then i realised, when i woke up, that this is it, this is what my life is trying to tell me. that tim's gone from my life, that there's no point in wanting him to love me again, or wanting flowers on the odd occasion, or texts or even talking to him. he wants someone else, he wants to be with someone else, and even if i died today or tomorrow, it wouldn't make a difference to his life in any way.

And that makes me sad, thinking of how little I've come to mean to him, when he's always meant so much to me. And I guess, that's just how life is, you take and you give. but it was so upsetting to see mum and dad and meg sad too. I hope that if i die, they get to move on, and don't carry the sadness of my death with them. I hope meg gets married the way i wanted to get married, and is happy, and has a ton of kids, and a lovely husband , someone who'll take care of her and protect her and loves her a trillion times more than she loves him.

and i hope mum and dad stay well, and i hope they grow very old together and are happy to have grandkids, and have more money now that they don't have to spend any on me.

and lastly, i hope tim gets what he wants, because I couldn't give it to him. I hope Tim is happy with the concept of me no longer being in his life, that he'll never get to hug or kiss me again, that all those memories of him and me together are torn up now that he doesn't want me anymore. I hope Tim is happy with the concept of watching me walk away and get married to some other guy, and realises that he was so close to being that guy. I hope tim can live with the fact that one day I will die and he wasn't there to hold my hand through it. But realistically, i hope tim is happy. that's really all i've ever wanted, but never been able to convey. i hope that if i pass on, everything will be ok. it'll probably be like i never existed. in fact, if i pass away, i doubt anyone would notice. least of all tim.

Ah, dear, this is a very emo post, but yeah anywas that was my dream :)

moving onto more entertaining things,

I HAVE MASTERED HARRY POTTER. I've cleard 100% of the game, with all the silly discovery beans and all. really anticlimatic. you just sit there and stare at it going, really? that's the ending?

oh and have i told you i've been on a diet and been wii fitting the crap out of myself! i'm aiming for a summer bod for summer end. :) it'll be great!

I still have my scholarship btw for engineering, so it's all good!

and oh, erm, i'm going out this saturday for lunch with han mel and the chem people, and then clubbing in the night. and the spa is being bought early saturday morning and will be delivered soon! and oh, on sunday, we're going for meg's xmas bash at hamilton hill park where we get to meet all her workmates and have a drink and a good time.

I've got a plan. I'm not going to hook up, i think. It's just too much stress being in that situation lol. And a bit stupid. But Tim's going to hook up .... so i have no idea? I don't know if i should, out of revenge, or if i shouldn't because it violates not only my morals, but also because I still love tim, I don't think i'd be able to do it?

Is it really stupid of me to still love tim? it is, isn't it? I should just move on like he has, cuz he clearly doesn't give a shit about me anymore. So I should, like..... delete his number off my phone, and all the pictures, and just be like him , right? ...... but i can't? It's really weird. But I'm not going to let him see me pining for him, i'm not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurts for me to watch him go.

Deal! :)

and oh, bloggiekins, on new years eve, when i'm out clubbing on han's b'day, i solemnly promise not to hook up if tim says he wants me back. otherwise, i will kiss one boy, but that's it. just a kiss for new years .

ciao ciao!

you know you love me

xoxo

Nettles

Labels: Dreams, Intuition is driving me insane, Life, Love, My God I'm Going Emo, TV TOWN

xx signed off at 11:38 AM

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Life as It Is

Heya all,

wow i actually haven't been here in a while to say anything. Life just does funny things like that. Like this one time, at band camp.....

:P OH NO I DIDN'T .

Yeah, officially, I've watched all 6 American Pie movies.

........

.............

.........................

OMG I'm ADDICTED. Seriously, I would like to date the Stiffmeister. Just to watch him puke all over the place after having a very tainted glass of beer. and even though the last couple of american pies didn't have anyone from the first 3, they were still pretty hilarious. My brain is just sort of taking a time out for this month of merrymaking I reckon :P

My TV so far :

The Office America ( THIS IS ACTUALLY THE BEST SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND I SWEAR )

Supernatural

Stargate Universe ( Omg, actually interesting! *dies of shock* )

Robot Chicken ahhahahahahhahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahha

........ okies, my h button just stuck. it's like , ' will you stop abusing me, woman? ' sorry, h button, sorry. uuh oh, i pressed h again.

oh and again. i hit it again

:O and again!

I'll stop that now. Where was I?

Oh, yeah, let's see.................

How I Met Your Mother.( SLAPSGIVING)

and so many other shows :P so life's been un-boring :P I still suck at Super Smash Bros Brawl but that's for another time :)

oh, erm, what's new with me? I failed a unit in Engineering :S :S :S but ya know what, i've got everything sorted, so it's all good. Given up on being a doctor though :P I think my future lies in the mines with those big, burly gruff types :P

If you have NO idea what i'm on about :

without the good looking smile.

Erm, what else has happened? Oh , Tim, my boyfriend, or ex boyfriend ( ?) has dumped me, which you know, is not exactly what I wanted ever, but ya know what, it's not like he's crying so I'm not going to give him the satisfaction. I don't think there's a bone left in his body that feels anything for me, which is sad cuz just a week ago he wanted me to keep his Lord of The Rings ring as a sign to show he was coming back. Lucky for him, I refused because I knew how bare he felt without the ring. Who knew it'd really be that lucky :P

But yeah, I'm just going to stay single for now, coast the clear waters, I'm guessing he's going to be hooking up with every single girl he can find now that he's FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :P

ah well, that's life right? :D

Onto nicer things!

We're getting a spa, like a 5 person, aromatherapy, hydrotherapy, buttcaketherapy spa with bubblies and warmlies :D it's called the Relaxer, so it BETTER DAMN WELL RELAX.

Or else I will do my sad face

It will be exciting. Anyways, what did I get on to blog about?......

I CAN'T REMEMBER :S let's blog about that.

Fairly sure I'm losing my mind/memory/chocolate craving tendencies with time, like today I was meant to text Hannah and tell her what I was wearing for this party thing, and instead I just sat there and stared at the phone for about half an hour trying to figure out how they made those thin filmy things. You know, the thin protective filmy things that don't actually protect your phone screen, they just collect dirt and grime and make it look SOOOO awful when you have like... a piece of park in it. I mean, I'm sure at some point, that look will catch on, but till then, I'd rather not be able to see a small colony of worms making babies on my phone screen ty.

AND OMG bubbles are not meant to be annoying, they're meant to be really enjoyable, however, under protective film, I actually have palpatations trying to push them out from under the film. It's like

Pretty much that's me, without the blue suit ( I'm probably colorblind ) and the strange hair cut. Not to mention he seems to not be as tanned ( read : black ) as me.

this is me , if i was famous and like.. on a billboard

Yeah.... pretty celebritesque :P

anywho

have i mentioned I'm going for Lady Gaga and Backstreet Boys, it's going to be soooooooooooooooooooo AMAZING. I can already picture myself pashing Nick Carter, and yes I would go gay for Lady Gaga cuz she has a weiner and that's a perk :p

alrighty, i'll be back tomorrow for more bore-the-crap-off-your-face blogging! ciao and you know you love me

xoxo

Netty

Labels: Happy Times, Iconisation, Life, movies, Randomness is Just Who I Am

xx signed off at 8:38 PM

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Car Crash Waiting To Happen

Here we are again,

Same old story,

Telling our tale,

The one where they get to see Prince Charming fail,

The one where they forgot to say that this ending,

Couldn't be happy unless they did a lot of pretending.

Prince Charming and his princess they were one.

Hand in hand, they had so much fun.

But then, he would ride his great steed into the night,

And out of mind proved to happen when she was out of sight.

I'm that princess,

The one you left back,

The girl who wishes that she crossed your mind.

I'm the broken heart,

I'm the one you tore apart,

Now it's time for forgetting, but not forgiving,

Because you and I both could see it clear back then,

We were just a car crash waiting to happen.

I'd say, Hey, honey, how are you?

Wouldn't hear anything for a day or two,

Call up your cellphone just to hear your voice,

You're so sleepy on the other end, you just don't sound so nice.

I wait night and day to hear the phone ringing,

To feel like maybe I'm the one you're thinking,

Of when you sleep,

When you dream,

When you laugh and when you cry,

But no , I'm not,

So I'll just learn your lie.

Oh, when flames come crawling to burn these bridges down,

I won't stand here and regret,

When the whole world stops except you and me now,

I won't do the things you expect,

No ,

I'm that girl,

The one you left back,

The girl who wishes that she crossed your mind.

I'm the broken heart,

The one you tore apart,

Time's come now for forgetting and forgiving,

Because after all, we knew, we were just a car crash waiting to happen.

Labels: Poetifulness

xx signed off at 12:16 AM

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Little Girl

Hey there, little girl,
I see you crying there,
Your little red dress and your pretty little tears,
You're crying cuz you know why I've called you here
You know what I'm about to say,
You and him, it's time to call it a day.

Those pearls he gave you, just cut the string and throw them away.
Like your love for him, the memories will fade away.
Don't worry about the pictures, I'll help you burn them
Don't worry about your heart, girl, I'll help you hurt him,
I'll help you look him right in the eye when you're ready,
I'll help you tell him goodbye, when your voice gets steady.
And I'll be here to make your tears dry,
Oh, baby girl, why do you cry?

You gotta grow up fast, in this hurtful world,
I know you're innocent, and you trust, you crazy little girl,
Don't take no for an answer,
Don't let him pull you back in,
Don't let him think that in the end, your lalalala love can win,
Because here's the truth that I've been trying to keep from you,

This is what he's doing, what's he doing, tonight this is what he is gonna do,
He's cheating, cheating really badly on you,
This is true, and you've known it,
Love's old-school these days,
Yeah, you've blown it.

All that makeup and that pretty black hair,
He led you daintily down the stair,
Pretty necklace and not a trace of despair,
Could've sworn he was barely there.
Sunset dangling on your cheek,
Did he even give you a chance to speak?
As he whispered, "darling, please don't cry,
I really did give this whole thing a try,
But I just don't feel the same,
And its not you, it's me to blame."

Don't let it get to you,
It's really not your fault that he couldn't be true,
He's a man, and that's their schtick,
The only brain he has is in his dick.
All the pictures of other girls on his phone,
And the videos he kept at his home,
Yet , chance after chance you gave him,
Hoping he'd find the strength within,
To resist the temptation of looking at other girls,
When to you, he was your entire world.

Now, now, stop this crying,
You know it'll pass, all the pain,
And one day you'll learn to feel again,
Take it a day at a time,
He'll realise you're now mine.
He'll be kicking himself so hard that you're holding my hand,
I know it's hard right now, but in a year , you'll understand.

This is what he's doing, what's he doing, tonight this is what he is gonna do,
He's cheating, cheating really badly on you,
This is true, and you've known it,
Love's old-school these days,
Yeah, you've blown it.

Labels: Poetifulness

xx signed off at 11:08 PM

Stop

Does it matter now,
That the things you've done and said are what's led us to this,
This moment where all I want to do is say goodbye,
Give you one last chance to show you love me, and this kiss,
You know you can't hold me down,
I can't take the physical blackmail,
The chains you've tied to me,
I've tried to stop the pain,
But my heart's a part of your anatomy.

Stop this,
Now, this pain, this hurt, again and again,
Stop the fighting and the screaming,
The hurting and my hoping,
That you'll be the man you once were,
Because now there's no forever.

Don't tell me that I'm overreacting,
If there was ever one occasion for me to feel this way,
Then this would be that one thing,
That makes me want to throw all the pictures in the bin,
I'm sorry, love, but you have no idea what state I'm in,
You say, put the past behind us,
Let's keep this thing we've got going strong,
But, baby, I hate to throw you under the bus,
But this was just a lie that keeps going on.

But now,
It's time,
Time to put a stop to this pain.
Stop to this hurt.
Stop to the nights lying under the sheets trying to wipe away my tears.
Time to stop wanting,
Wanting you to call without waiting,
Waiting for you to love me like I've been needing,
And needing till I can't feel anything at all anymore.
There's nothing left here for you to stay for.

Nothing in this empty space I used to call my heart,
Nothing left here for you to say you an claim a part , of
And every time you say my name,
It makes me scream inside,
Because hearing it just makes me so ashamed,
To think that I ever let you into my life,
To think that there was a moment I wanted to be your wife.

No, no, no, make it stop.
Stop this,
Now, this pain, this hurt, again and again,
Stop the fighting and the screaming,
The hurting and my hoping,
That you'll be the man you once were,
Because now there's no forever.

No forever with you.

xx signed off at 10:01 PM

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Shattered

There's not enough time in my life to hate you,
Not enough time to wish you never existed,
Nothing left in my heart for you,
So go on, walk away before I make you regret you ever lived.

No one has ever treated me like you did,
No one has ever made me love you like you did,
No one has ever gotten away with a lie like you did,
But here's to knowing ya, kid.

Here's to you,
Here's to us,
Here's to all the lies, you left inside,
Now watch me throw you under the bus.
Here's to you,
Here's to all your games,
That you play,
I hope today,
You die in your pain.

Loving you,
Was like loving a thorn in my side,
Hating you,
Was so much easier not to hide,
Wanting you,
I resisted the desire not to cry,
Needing you,
You won't ever bring any more tears to my eyes.

Because you know that you don't have that effect on me,
No, not anymore, I'm loving the way you look when you walk out that door.
And all the pain that wells up inside,
I refuse to let you walk out of here alive.
I'll cut into your sweet facade,
You'll be wishing you could change who you are.

So come on, step up, take your shot,
At this stone cold beating heart,
Come on, wake up, take your bets,
Will I crack or will I scar,
Your poor little broken-hearted pool of lies,
Please don't look at me with those cheating eyes.

Here's to you,
Here's to us,
Here's to all the lies, you left inside,
Now watch me throw you under the bus.
Here's to you,
Here's to all your games,
That you play,
I hope today,
You die in your pain

And no, I feel nothing.
No remorse.
No shame.
I'm too tired to play this game.
And no, I won't shed a tear.
Nothing for you,
Go on, get out of here.
And no, I won't hurt your friends,
They don't,
They won't
They never really cared.
No, the only bounty I want is sitting right there in your hands.

Here's to you,
And all the lying that you know how to do,
I hope the next girl that has to entertain you,
Is ready to be loved by a experienced liar.
Here's to me,
And all the happiness I now have the right to feel,
And watching you go just seems to get more real.

Oh, baby, please, don't act so flattered,
It's not like any of this really mattered,
I just wrote to let you know,
Nothing you can ever do will make me hurt so,
Thank you but you see,
You just don't exist to me,
And when everything else is better,
Here's to you, here's to me, here's to us, we're shattered.

Labels: Poetifulness

xx signed off at 11:53 PM

Nothing Else Matters

Nothing Else Matters -Me * no relation to metallica*
It's the holiday now, you're asking me how it feels to be loved,
To be in your heart, to be on your mind,
Well, honey, it's like I'm soaring above,
All the pain, all the troubles, everything that got washed away in the rain,
And all you are to me is all I ever wanted.

You're holding me now,
Nothing else matters but the way you whisper my name,
You're begging me now,
Begging me to leave with you and letting me know that it'll never be the same,
As all the days and the chaos, the hate and the loss,
I know now, oh I know now,
That nothing else matters

When you're here,
Listening to all my silly ideas,
Watching my eyes glitter with my tears,
Wiping them away and kissing me softly to sleep
Yeah, this is the life.

This is how it's meant to be,
When nothing else really matters except you and me,
Where nothing they say and nothing they know,
Will ever change the way my love for you will grow,
So here's all I need right now,
In your arms, we'll make it somehow,
Here's what I need, in your soul,
Nothing else matters when we rock and roll.

xx signed off at 11:26 PM

Someday Soon

Have you ever woken up sometimes and just thought, goddamnit, life just isn't that bad, is it?
And then you get dressed, have a bath, walk out and it rains down upon you like God is just about as emo as he's gonna get. And you stand there thinking, it's ok, i have an umbrella
Then you step in a puddle
then you get all soggy
then you smell like wet dog
then you're on a train and it smells like a giant fart
then you get off the train and now you smell like a wet dog who just farted
then you get onto a bus and you now look like a wet dog who just farted who is also sitting close to someone else who smels like a wet dog who just farted
then you go to uni and sit in a whole lecture theatre of boys and someone just farted
and you go home.
Well, THAT'S MY LIFE :P
Oh, and so is poetry
so here goes! :)

Wishing On You -Me

So here it goes,
The story as it's written, as it's told
No torn up pages, no ink that's gotten too old,
Just simple letters, in the smallest picture that I can paint,
Of how you were mine, and now you ain't.
And of all the laughs, and all the tears we cried,
And how beautiful we really looked that night,
And how something slowly was dying inside,
And how every night I'm wishing for your hand in mine

I'm wishing on a rainbow
Wishing on a star,
Somewhere out there,
That's where you are,
Your eyes, your smile, your perfect way of making me feel like it's all okay
It just can't all be true, so
I'm wishing on you, for you.

So I'm standing here,
Hoping that somewhere out there you left a clue,
Of what I'm meant to do in my life without you,
No one left here in this desert to understand,
How it feels to not hold your hand.
To not know that you're walking back down the street,
Arms open wide, waiting to hug me,
Wiping away tears and piecing together all my dreams,
Why does God take away everything,
And leave me here with nothing, but memories of you, and me

Wishing on a rainbow,
Wishing on a star,
I don't know where you went, boy, but I know it's too far,
I just wanna hear your voice, feel your fingers on my face,
I wish to hell I'd get out of this place,
But I'm just so tired of running,
Why can't I stop wishing on you,
For You.

All I remember now is you standing here,
Just this spot, right here, next to this tree,
I remember you living life without a fear,
And then the headlights spinning and I wasn't near,
I remember the way you looked into my eyes,
The way you held my hand and whispered goodbye
The way you made it seem like you were free,
But how could you,
How could you,
Leave me wishing on you, wishing on me.

Labels: Poetifulness

xx signed off at 10:47 PM

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Maybe It's

I'd really like to write this down,
Quickly, softly, make no sound.
Hope that you at least take a minute,
To realise the amount of pain I've put in it.
These letters, characters, jumping out of the page,
Don't know if you can truly read the rage,
But I swear right now I'm slapping you senseless,
Leaving you defenseless,
With every word, and every last note I play.

Maybe it's because you laughed , because you cried,
But the one thing you didn't do was try,
Maybe it's because you said you'd always hold me through the hardest nights,
Maybe I ,should have told you,
But nothing inside me could bring me to know you,
To know you were going to hurt me so bright with your
Blinding lights.

Every step I take now,
Bringing me closer to your front door,
Can you hear the tune inside my head,
My heart is bursting so hard I feel so sore.
And nothing I do right now,
Is going to make this any better,
I just wish you'd goddamned died before you did it,
I wouldn't be writing this letter, about her.

But I think
Maybe it's the way you said my name,
Calling me on the phone and never treating her the same,
Always listening to my stupid dreams,
I never realised how quick it all seemed,
Maybe I should have cut open all those heart-shaped boxes,
Found all your letters to her
Maybe that lie was just a little better
Just a little better.

I'm standing here,
In the rain,
Just on my lip,
The polish on my fingernails,
My sanity's starting to slip.
Clutching the dripping sheet of paper,
All it says is " Thanks, I'll see ya later,
I hope you do so well, with her hand in yours,
I hope you do so well, that the rain starts to pour,
I hope she screams in your ears,
Screams in your face,
Makes you wish you hadn't given up the chase,
But you'll never have me now,
Never have me now,
Never have me now..... It's too late"

xx signed off at 4:02 PM