Dum Dee Dum... I'm Nutty Net and I often go nuts :P I have way more fun than the average human should, and I'm blessed with a beautiful family and so many lovely opportunities :) And this is where I come to settle all those crazy floating thought butterflies in my head :)
Wow, my second blog post in under 24 hours. does this make me a serious blogger? :P i feel like breaking out the printer and the glitter glue and making a shiny certificate. something snazzy, to show the kids :P with like cake all over it, because i've been eating cake for the last five seconds, and my fingers are covered in yummy, tia-maria-flavoured, with excess of vanilla essence, cake. soooooooo good.
Cake and chocolate really do make you feel a lot better ya know, :) like ..... warm showers ( hot showers pref :P though in summer the cold water tap on full is the same effect , darn you australian plumbing ), and sunny days with a bit of cloud, so you can go chill on a piece of grass and nibble on some lunch and just life catch up on its own :)
So anyways, decided to blog this time because of a dream I had, and it was really weird. It's one of those dreams where you wake up crying because you realise how utterly true it's going to be, and that's sad?
Anyways, the dream started out with me sitting in a car and tim's in the car with me. And we're not talking, not saying a word to each other just in our own worlds. then we're driving at like 200 km/h and i'm telling tim, please, slow down, if you love me, you'd slow down. So obviously, he starts speeding up and I'm crying and pleading with him to please slow down and then he looks at me for a second and says, i don't love you, and then the car crashes into the one in front of us but tim turns the wheel just in time so that the car veers to the right, and instead hits a full on impact on my side, and then i see him getting out of his side quickly by unbelting and stuff, and he starts talking to the guy in the car in front who's a 4wd driver and they're talking about insurance and oh, you know, these sort of accidents happen and nothing bad really happened and then the guy in the front car goes round to my side to check the damage there and he sees me just slumped over the wheel and blood is seeping out from my mouth and he starts yelling and saying, HEY there's a girl here ,she's REALLY badly injured, and tim just looks at him and goes, oh, her? nah, don't worry about it, i'll take care of her, and the guy in the car at the front looks suspiciously at tim and then goes, no, sorry, i'm taking her to the hospital, and tim says, meh, suit yourself, i'm not worried, and then he gets into the tow truck and drives away while this guy has put me in his care gently and his wife sits at the back to support my neck and they drive me to the hospital. and then the doctor tells them that i probably died on impact, and so they walk into the hospital room where i'm lying and there are scars and bruises and i'm bleeding into the gauze and they start crying and then they call my mum and dad and sister, and dad flies in from brunei and almost has a heart attack after he hears the news and they're all sitting there, all around my bed, holding my hand and weeping, and saying why did it have to be her? and meanwhile, i'm reliving all the memories i had of my family, like how my dad used to pick me up on his shoulders and carry me around the house. or how we used to go cycling in the park. how mum used to make breathing chicken fry :P how my sister defended me when dad was going to hit me with a hot oil ladle. how my sister spent all her bonus to get me the wii, how my mother cooks everyday and is so committed to my health. and then i started remembering all the times i had with tim, like the britney concert, the sneaky concert, the pink concert. singing along to songs, having him holding me from behind and supporting me so i don't fall over, and holding my place in line and trying desperately to like britney so i can enjoy it too. :) and things like how on our first date he bought me a rose and a teddy bear and we went and saw i now pronounce you chuck and larry, then we went to the foreshore and had our first kiss/notkiss
and then the next day when he came over and we watched movies together. I always think of that day when i'm watching movies with him, just being together, and kissing and hugging and not having to worry about being somewhere else, cuz right here was warm and good enough.
Then i think about how he used to walk me home from the bus stop, and recently from the train station, and how we used to talk about so much. and hiding from my family, and avoiding bus routes, and all the stress of that. I think about how we went to Mandurah for his 22nd b'day and we won prizes like katie the duck who is now my dog's pillow in the winter :P and pulling stupid faces in the train.
I think about how we used to go to the paramount and dance together, and he used to always make sure i was safe and pay for stuff even though he hadn't had much money on him.
I think about how we used to go play cards at wongs and get stuffed to the brim with chinese food.
all those memories just flashed by, and then i see him walking around happily even though i'm dead, he doesn't care at all, like i literally meant nothing to him anymore, and he's got a girl with him, and they're smiling and grinning and someone comes up to him and says, hey sorry about net, man, that's a tragedy, and he just laughs and he says, GOOD RIDDANCE. thank god i didn't stay with her for longer than 2 years. and then i'm sitting at the curtin bus stop watching him laugh with this girl as they get on the bus and he finds a seat then pulls away so she can get in first, and then puts his arm around her and the bus drives off and i'm just staring at them and crying knowing that he doesn't care if i'm dead or alive anymore, that he's so much happier now that he's with someone else. and then it comes back to the hospital room, and i'm lying there, and my mum pulls the plug on me, and she breaks down in tears, just clutching to the bedsheets and screaming, oh god please don't go, please wake up and everyone's trying to pull her away and calm her down, and everybody's crying, except tim.
and then i realised, when i woke up, that this is it, this is what my life is trying to tell me. that tim's gone from my life, that there's no point in wanting him to love me again, or wanting flowers on the odd occasion, or texts or even talking to him. he wants someone else, he wants to be with someone else, and even if i died today or tomorrow, it wouldn't make a difference to his life in any way.
And that makes me sad, thinking of how little I've come to mean to him, when he's always meant so much to me. And I guess, that's just how life is, you take and you give. but it was so upsetting to see mum and dad and meg sad too. I hope that if i die, they get to move on, and don't carry the sadness of my death with them. I hope meg gets married the way i wanted to get married, and is happy, and has a ton of kids, and a lovely husband , someone who'll take care of her and protect her and loves her a trillion times more than she loves him.
and i hope mum and dad stay well, and i hope they grow very old together and are happy to have grandkids, and have more money now that they don't have to spend any on me.
and lastly, i hope tim gets what he wants, because I couldn't give it to him. I hope Tim is happy with the concept of me no longer being in his life, that he'll never get to hug or kiss me again, that all those memories of him and me together are torn up now that he doesn't want me anymore. I hope Tim is happy with the concept of watching me walk away and get married to some other guy, and realises that he was so close to being that guy. I hope tim can live with the fact that one day I will die and he wasn't there to hold my hand through it. But realistically, i hope tim is happy. that's really all i've ever wanted, but never been able to convey. i hope that if i pass on, everything will be ok. it'll probably be like i never existed. in fact, if i pass away, i doubt anyone would notice. least of all tim.
Ah, dear, this is a very emo post, but yeah anywas that was my dream :)
moving onto more entertaining things,
I HAVE MASTERED HARRY POTTER. I've cleard 100% of the game, with all the silly discovery beans and all. really anticlimatic. you just sit there and stare at it going, really? that's the ending?
oh and have i told you i've been on a diet and been wii fitting the crap out of myself! i'm aiming for a summer bod for summer end. :) it'll be great!
I still have my scholarship btw for engineering, so it's all good!
and oh, erm, i'm going out this saturday for lunch with han mel and the chem people, and then clubbing in the night. and the spa is being bought early saturday morning and will be delivered soon! and oh, on sunday, we're going for meg's xmas bash at hamilton hill park where we get to meet all her workmates and have a drink and a good time.
I've got a plan. I'm not going to hook up, i think. It's just too much stress being in that situation lol. And a bit stupid. But Tim's going to hook up .... so i have no idea? I don't know if i should, out of revenge, or if i shouldn't because it violates not only my morals, but also because I still love tim, I don't think i'd be able to do it?
Is it really stupid of me to still love tim? it is, isn't it? I should just move on like he has, cuz he clearly doesn't give a shit about me anymore. So I should, like..... delete his number off my phone, and all the pictures, and just be like him , right? ...... but i can't? It's really weird. But I'm not going to let him see me pining for him, i'm not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurts for me to watch him go.
Deal! :)
and oh, bloggiekins, on new years eve, when i'm out clubbing on han's b'day, i solemnly promise not to hook up if tim says he wants me back. otherwise, i will kiss one boy, but that's it. just a kiss for new years .
K, continued from my last post. Btw, check out my june post, My b'day wishlist ( a few of my favourite things). GET ME SOMETHING TWERPS!
So...erm... Saturday was interesting. it was actually a really awesome day . kinda made up for any little emoness the may and joy issue caused me.
Well, what happened on Saturday? Well, in the morning, my mom, sister and I headed over to IKEA and literally bought everything we saw. I mean EVERYTHING. It was awesome. We have so many little decorative things, and big decorative things, and so many ideas for so many things. it's so insane. can't wait to set up our wellard house. It's going to be so awesome. The Limetree Cottage. ^_^ I'm so excited!!!!!
Then, in the night, I went for another party. Yes. I know. Don't tell my mom. She should never know. I have very good excuses for what I get up to. I won't tell you what they are. Just believe me, she can never know I party. It's just...not allowed as such. not at the moment. Next year, yeah, but not too much now. She's scared I'll get hurt, or my drinks will get spiked, or i'll mix with the wrong crowd. V complex.
erm... Sunday : Woke up. did stuff. Then headed to Joondalup to see my cousin and her husband, and my nephew ARNAV who is soooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Love him.Love my family, etc, etc. Full of love, aren't i just? And, anyways, yeah....got back and i checked my phone, which was on silent, because Arnav doesn't like mobile phone sounds...and guess what? Text from Marcus to make sure i'm free next saturday. and i'm like, nah, got ice skating, then he's like, oh, no, you have to cancel, and i'm like O_o WHY?!?!?! And then i get on msn and i wormed out the info from him: Markymarkiss says : ...... Markymarkiss says : Ok,....GEEZ NO THREATS already!!! Throwing you a party at Mandurah, got a hall booked out and everything, this saturday. And You Have To come (8) Just you and me, that's what it was supposed to be (8)<3little> WHAT?!?!?!? You're KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!? OMG OMG OMG (8) Just you and me, that's what it was supposed to be (8)<3little> oh wow...oh wow...........omg, MARCUS i love you!!! oh, but..i totally have to cancel and tell the others....gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
so, yeah. They're throwing me a big big bash in Mandurah on my b'day and so i can't go iceskating, because of my other friends. I know, it's bad, cancelling like this, but, meh. Anyways. . >.< color="#ff0000" size="5"> HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! Mwahz, Netty.
So, Erm. K. Wow, do i start all my posts like this? Lol. Haha, how unimaginative. Well, erm, right, totes went on a tangent. What was I going to say again ? Oh yeah, last time i posted it was the day before my Chemistry Semester 1 exam. I know, " WHAT? You were blogging during your EXAMS?! You have tons of focus, young lady". I know I do, shut up. ^_^ Haha, erm, j/k. I kinda had to blog.... I totes couldn't concentrate hard enough to study. It was like...Brain Shutting Off. Not that studying extra would have helped me do better in Chem. I highly doubt that. Not that I did bad. But I know that there was a bit of me that kinda was like >~< Could have gone better. But oh, well, that's behind me. The exams are sooo outta my mind right now.
Totes had an awesome post-exam few days recently. As most of you probs know, exams for me and almost everyone finished off on Thursday, July 5th. And after the Physics exam ( last exam of the semester WOOT) , me and a few of my friends from Canning ( one of whom was my transport system for that day, and he's apreciated very much for that, ty, gumby ) went over to Curtin Tav . No, I didn't drink, I'm not 18 yet, and even then, I kinda don't think I ever will. I have an aversion to alcohol and i've seen its effects on people I care about, so I don't think I'd care to go down the same road. That doesn't mean I think other people shouldn't indulge in the odd drink or two. Just...in moderation. Do whatever you want, just in moderation, dolls. So, yeah. We were in the Tav. didn't know there was a pool table there, but it makes sense, considering it's a tav. So, yeah, the guys were playing pool, and at some point, i was made to join in, because I wanted to be part of the group and didn't want them to consider me as antisocial. Because really, I do tend to get a bit antisocial. I discriminate against people a lot. Like.. I only hang out with people who meet my standards. That's bad. That's really bad. I know that. But w/e. Moving on So, yeah. My friend, Tim (who i mentioned a while ago i think, dunno) helped teach me how to play. Kudos to Greg ( another friend, one who tried to teach me iceskating three months ago ) who also tried to teach me how to TRAIN MY EYE ON THE CUE. Which i could not do. So now, I'm going to go into a spiel about pool.
So, here's Tim, right, and he's saying, K, you need to look down the line of the cue and to the ball, and line it up, and make sure it hits the middle of the ball, and you need to plan how you want it to bounce off stuff and all that, and I'm like, yeah, k, sounds easy enough. NOT!!!! It went practically nowhere, and hit practically nothing. Awful. AWFUL. And then, it's like...You need to make sure the stick is stable, not wobbly, does that feel wobbly to you? WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?! I don't know?!? It's a STICK! IT'S A STICK! Lol. Haha. Nah, I'm not ranting against him or anything, I'm dissing myself for not being good at things that almost everyone else in the world is good at. Like pool. And like life. Sigh. So, continuing. After the pool, we went to yet another friend Billy's house and just sat and talked for a bit, and planned to go watch Transformers ( which , btw, is a must watch ) at Carousel ( which is this shopping centre out here in Perth ). So, that was at 7.30. My friend Tim paid for PETROL for my other friend ADAM to pick me up. I mean, how adorably sweet is that? I love Australians. They're just so.... generous, and so friendly, and so mi casa et su casa, ya know? I totes think Tim and Adam rock atm, so let me have my moment. They're really good guys, and GIRLS they're SINGLE!
Problem is, most of the girls I know are 18 and under, so guys...sorry... *_* Anywho, that was the plug.
Went to see Transformers after that! Did i mention I told my friend, Tim ( mentioned about two paragraphs and eight side-tracks later) paid for my ticket? I mean PAID IN FULL so i could watch Transformers, cuz I'm pretty broke atm, till my mom decides to let me go nutty shopping. Cuz i already get all i want, so my parents kinda don't need to give me money. Lol ^^
But TIMMY! Erm, k...so, Transformers was awesome....cue theme song * Transformers...Robots in Disguise....Transformers...more than meets the eyeeeeeeeeeeeee* K. Geek moment # 4959. ok, i lie, it's 4960...geez....did the aliens forget to remove their probe? Fav. Autobot : Bumblebee....the Camaro was AWESOME. I MEAN AWWWWWEEEEEEESSSSSSOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. It looked just like Marcus's erm...Mazda ....x something or the other. AWEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... so yeah.
Fav. Decepticon : Megatron. DUH! I mean, come on...evil baddy. Totes huge. Totes powerful...CHEAH....
I totes liked Ironhide too....fav line : " You appear to have a rodent infestation...should I terminate it? " and " I don't like the parents....shall I terminate them?....What?....It was just a thought....." HAAHHAHAHAHA LMAO
Erm. What else, what else. Oh, yes, then after the movie we went back to Billy's place, and blah blah. Missed the party. Trisha , o'course, was totes pissed. She was like, omg, was my party not good enough? Am i not good enough? And i was like O_o TRISHA! I was occupied! GEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!! And Toran, o'course, apparently, did not dance with any girl that night, and kept to himself, and he left me like 5 missed calls ( which is a big thing, for a guy who apparently, doesn't call girls at all, because he knows they'll call him first). So, ok, i didn't call him back, at all. Why should I? Some random wants to talk to me, then get on msn, mister. That's how I communicate. So, anywho, where was I? Oh, yes, so...Toran.....right.... K, tell you about him later. Friday - Did stuff in the morning with the gang ( Marcus, Josh, Carrie, Jesse, Dame, Leish, Joanie, and the usual suspects). And , here's the part that's got me a bit iffy, just a bit. I was supposed to have like, 4 friends over for this little dinner. 4 people I know from Canning. And it was supposed to be quiet, a no biggie, just good Indian food, just so they could be curry-fied. I think I put this in an earlier post, my plan , blah blah.
Anyways, as is everything in my life, nothing went as planned.
I was gonna go join two of my friends, namely May and Joy, in the city. We were planning to meet earlier, but I had the gang thing, so lol, i said I'll meet you up later. And i did. Then at 3.45 they're like, K, gonna go watch a movie, transformers, and I'm like...seen it yesterday O_o don't wanna see it again. but anyways, bought another 9 dollar ticket. so w/e,. My mom gave me instructions --> Net, get them here by 6.00 p.m. sharp, i want your help to heat up food and stuff. So i said, K. Cuz she let me stay out late on Thursday. BIG THING FOR MOM LETTING ME STAY OUT LATE! Props mom, i love you for trusting me, i really really do. Anywho. so. I check my watch in the middle of the movie, and it's like, 5.30 and i'm like, shit, joy, may, we've gotta go. my mom wants me blah blah blah. And then like, we keep texting each other in the theatre, and i'm like, k, i think we should go now, and my friend is like, erm, after the movie, k? and i'm like, the movie finishes in an hour! It's totes long! we'll be home at 8 then! and dinner's served at 7! and then my friend's like, errr...ask the other one, i'll do whatever she does. and my other friend is like...erm.....i wanna watch the movie....do we really have to go early? and I'm like O_o....and then i decided, pointless just sitting here, and i told them, oh, no, it's totes ok, i'll just go, we can have this dinner some other time, it'll just be adam and tim, it's ok. don't worry. you can cancel, i have to go now, my mom wants me back. and i got up from the theatre and went. I got up. And went. Without Them.
And it occured to me. People disappoint you. People bring drama, people complicate things, people let you down, they bring you up. But I'm sorta tired of being let down. Oh god. How dramatic. I'm sorry, I like Joy and May, I do. A lot. It's just..they did something I didn't expect and I feel a bit off. That's all. Anyways..........so, yeah, caught the bus.......ALONE. I tried not to show my mom i was upset, but she was like, did you fight with them or something? and i was like, nah....nothing, they just couldn't make it, and stuff...and tried to shirk it off. But my mom knows me better. And my sister too. They were like....it's ok. and blah blah.
Anyways....got back home. Adam and Tim came over. Adam totally chipped his car on the wall in our driveway ( Dame, you know , the one Peter almost whacked?) and so, yeah. A bit of his bumper went off, and I was standing there thinking, crap....this is like, sealed confirmation that today is a bad day. I was expecting Adam to be completely pissed off with me and to want to scream and yell at me, but shockingly enough, he was more concerned about the wall than his car O_o weirdness. Some people just....defy your expectations. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I put my friends in the wrong molds. Like....Adam and Tim, i expected them to be crass, and rude, and guy-like, and totally inconsiderate and manner-less and impolite. But they're anything but....in fact, take every word and flip it around, and you get them. Though I may rant and get pissed off at both of them, and generally act like I hate their guts, i really do appreciate their friendship, and they mean a lot to me, they're really good friends, and i wouldn't want it any other way. I enjoy their company, and I liked having them over that night, we had a relatively nice time, just scoffing a bit of mom's food and talking. They're nice to talk to. Very simple . Lots of lewd jokes, and anatomical references * giggles* but other than that, enjoyable.
Erm, I'm gonna put up another post. This one is way too long
Just when you thought i'd been all blogged out. Ok. well, guess what? I'm in the mood for wasting the next 15 minutes blogging. So I am going to. Well, as you can tell, Marcus is getting more and more and more and more and more jealous of the guys i hang out with ( I can't wait till he finds out about this guy from my bus *eye roll*) He'll totally flip. He always does. I think he's going through PMS or something. Necklaces, proms, etc. I think he's still got something for me but he's just not getting it, I have nothing for him, and I mean nothing. I like him as a friend, he's almost like my best friends, and best friends should want what's best for their friends. NOT FOR THEM! Sigh, it's totally spazzing. About this guy i met on the bus now: He's tall, about 5'11. He's got orange hair. I know. Orange hair. How irish. Anyways, he's got this drooly drooly wooooly voice, it's so thick and deep. And his accent is so awesomely cool. I totally make fun of his irishness and he doesn't mind so eh. Let's see how it goes? About Josh : Well, Josh is upset with Marcus for getting upset with me ( Whoa, is this possible? Josh is acting like Marcus and MArcus is acting like Josh?). No news from Peter. He's been swamped with school, so, no biggie. I'll see him on Sunday and catch up then Our new Acer computer's totally crashing , like, every five minutes. So pissed. Got dial up for the moment. My broadband'll come in soon and then it's HALLELUJAH! So. Yes. Randomness. Haha. Laterz, Net.
