Dum Dee Dum... I'm Nutty Net and I often go nuts :P I have way more fun than the average human should, and I'm blessed with a beautiful family and so many lovely opportunities :) And this is where I come to settle all those crazy floating thought butterflies in my head :)
Yes, as you probably figured out, my incessantly stupid internet f'ed up haha. I think it's because I exceeeded the bandwidth thingy...blah blah... Anyways...erm... Ooh....right.... Errrrrrrrrrrr Let's see... Ah, well, first, a song or two that I've been listening to that kinda needed pastage hahahaa ^_^ Where are you Now - Britney Spears
Calling out your name Your face is everywhere I'm reaching out to you To find that you're not there I wake up every night To see the state I'm in It's like an endless fight I never seem to win I can't go on as long as I believe Can't let go when I keep wondering
CHORUS: Where are you now, what have you found Where is your heart, when I'm not around Where are you now, you gotta let me know Oh baby, so I can let you go
I can hear your voice The ring of yesterday It seems so close to me But yet so far away I should let it out To save what's left of me And close the doors of doubt Revive my dignity But, I can't go on as long as I believe Can't let go when I keep wondering
Repeat CHORUS
I should let it out, it's time to let you go Oh baby, I just want to know
And of course : Secondhand Serenade - It's Not Over My tears run down like razor blades And no, I'm not the one to blame, it's you Or is it me? And all the words we never say come out And now we're all ashamed And there's no sense in playing games When you've done all you can do
(chorus) But now it's over, it's over, why is it over? We had the chance to make it Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over I wish that I could take it back But it's over
I lose myself in all these fights I lose my sense of wrong and right I cry, I cry I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head I just want to crawl into my bed And throw away the life I led But I won't let it die I won't let it die
(Repeat Cho.) I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart Don't say this won't last forever You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart Don't tell me that we will never be together We could be, over and over, we could be... forever (2X) It's not over, it's not over, it's never over Unless you let it take you It's not over, it's not over, it's not over Unless you let it break you It's not over
My tears run down like razor bladesAnd no, I'm not the one to blame, it's youOr is it me?And all the words we never say come outAnd now we're all ashamedAnd there's no sense in playing gameswhen you've done all you can do(chorus)But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?We had the chance to make itNow it's over, it's over, it can't be overI wish that I could take it backBut it's overI lose myself in all these fightsI lose my sense of wrong and rightI cry, I cryI'm shaking from the pain that's in my headI just want to crawl into my bedAnd throw away the life I ledBut I won't let it dieI won't let it die (Repeat Cho.)I'm falling apart, I'm falling apartDon't say this won't last foreverYou're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heartDon't tell me that we will never be togetherWe could be, over and over, we could be... forever (2X)It's not over, it's not over, it's never overUnless you let it take youIt's not over, it's not over, it's not overUnless you let it break youIt's not over Oh, I love that second song. It's so beautiful. You have to hear it. YOU HAVE TO. It's beautiful. It's so meaningful. It makes me think about relationships. I've had this convo with Tim a lot, for some strange reason. I think it's because there's a piece of me that's still recovering from all the hurt I've felt from previous relationships. And now that I've finally met someone who I don't really want to lose, I just find myself wondering all the time what life would be like without them.
So , what're the ways in which I think I could lose someone who mattered a lot to me ? 1. Death : If Tim died, I'm not so sure how I would handle it. I know it's a bit emo of a thing to think about, but it's my blog and i'm bored stiff and I just want to type anything that comes to mind, and ...yeah...... If Tim or my family passed away.... I.......I think I might have a nervous breakdown. I don't think I'd be able to speak for a while, I don't think I'd be able to be a normal person for a bit. Because he's come to mean a lot to me. Even if we weren't dating, and he was just my best friend.... I'd still not be alright to be normal. For that matter, if anyone I know in this year, who's meant a lot to me, died, I would be shattered. Death is such an awful thing. I remember when Zach passed away... and the phone ringing.... and everything suddenly stopping for five seconds, and everyone was sort of looking at each other and wondering what the hell Joanie just said. I remember crying for 2 hours straight, locked up in the master bathroom, and my mom was at school, and my dad was at work and neither of them knew what had happened and i never told them. I feel so guilty. I should have helped Zach. WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT HELP HIM!?!? WHY THE HECK WAS I NOT THERE FOR HIM !? What kind of a friend was I? I just randomly left and stopped hanging out with him , and just forgot abotu him completly. I'm so screwed up, Im a twisted demented human being......I can't believe I actually did that to him . ..................
Sigh..... I'm sorry...... I'm sorry, I just had to go off like that, it's just... it's everything's been building up inside me, and I needed to let it out and tell someone and this blog is sort of my outlet. It's all the OC episodes I've been watching, and all the emo music and icons i've been looking at. Don't worry, I'm not terminally insane, I'm just therapeuticising myself. Because it's bad to bottle things up, ya know? And i'm STIFF BORED hahaha
oh, let's see... 2. Cheated on 3. One or either changes and they just move on
I hate the whole " Let's just be friends " . Sad, hey.... I've said it so many times, and it rarely occured to me how it could possibly hurt being told something like that. I wouldn't be too upset if tim said that though, because we started out as friends, so it's alright....^_^ v
What else, what else? think net, think! I guess it'll hurt a tad when i get dumped by him, but I'll move on and find someone else. Apparently, the sooner you get another bf the faster you actually repair? I think it's like the case of if you're alone you have to face your demons alone? that sort of thing? Interesting theory that. So if like..you were surrounded by chickens in a room, all by yourself, it's worse than being with someone else in a room full of chickens?! ........ How do You get Into a Room FULL OF CHICKENS?!??!?!?! Omg.....This reminds me of that thing cam was telling me about chickens and how they get prepared for maccas O_o I shall post later
