Dum Dee Dum... I'm Nutty Net and I often go nuts :P I have way more fun than the average human should, and I'm blessed with a beautiful family and so many lovely opportunities :) And this is where I come to settle all those crazy floating thought butterflies in my head :)
Sometimes the Hardest Thing and the Right Thing are the Same
Well, today's Friday. Yeah, ok, so I'm the queen of obvious, sue me ^_^. Erm.. well, it's been an interesting week. There've been fights and tests, and homework and housework, and fights, and issues, and emoness, and memories, and nostalgia, and generally tons of drama. And that's why I'm here now to talk about the drama. I was listening to You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol and I realized something. I let Ben go because I thought he'd be happier without me, and that I was stopping him from being who he could be, because he was too busy loving me. I thought I'd type out how Ben and I met and how we spent those 3 months together and how it ended, and how we went on, and then how we ended and now, where we are, and how far we've come. Why? Because it helps. It helps to sort out the clutter in my head. And it might help you to see the mistakes I've made and not to make them yourself.
Wow.... I sound so totally serious. Ok, let it be known that I'm listening to majorly hyper pop music while i'm writing this, and I'm just so hyper and happy and bubbly right now talking to all my friends that there's no emoness behind this. I'm just typing random thoughts in my head that I'd like to get out to clear up " memory space" for new thoughts.
Here goes:
How I met my first boyfriend Ben --> I had gone to you-know-where for holidays after the exams, and I had gone to one of my cousin's friend's party and was hanging out with her people, when there was this guy in the room who was totally surrounded by these high school cheerleader types, and at first I totally paid no attention to him, because I was like, whatever ,Jock, blah blah. Plus, I had Zach by my side totally driving me bonkers but totally driving me crazy happy too. And I was talking to this whole group of people who were totally interested in finding about where I come from and what school was like back home and how awesome stuff is , etc. And then, this guy, tall, with amazingly green eyes, like, intense green eyes, and hazel hair, and he's really got a nice body, and this gorgeous smile, comes up from behind me and goes, " Oh, you're _____ 's Cousin? ( I'm leaving out her name cuz i respect HER privacy)" and I'm like, " Yup." and there's this dead silence as I turn around to answer him and we both kinda get stopped in our tracks. And there's like this 5 minute pause between the two of us, and we're just staring at each other and not saying anything, and like, I blink, and I'm like, ok, this is dumb, this isn't what you do in a major party when you see a guy, he's going to totally think you're weird and make fun of you and your cousin's going to get a bad rep as a result. So I just smiled and answered and turned back to Zach and think it's over with. Then, later on, i'm just standing across the room in this corner just watching everyone having fun and he comes up next to me and is like, hey, I'm Ben and I'm like, hey, I'm Nethra, and he's like, I think it's awesome, India. It's so exotic. I've always wanted to go there. Do you go there real often? and stuff like that. And we get to talking, and he's not as big a jock as i think. He's actually really smart and he's really funny and witty, and he's got my attention till it's like late and my cousin says we have to go, so he's like, K, see ya around. Then, we meet again at the mall off Harton's and he says hi to me, and i wave back and he comes to me and asks me out really straight and upfront in front of my aunt *cringes* and I say, err.. and then tell him the answer through my expression. And so we get to know each other, and we keep going out, hanging out, taking pictures together, we went to pike place market together, went all around seattle, he even offered to take me to see the boeing hangar, but nuh-uh, ain't got a thing for airplanes, Bennie. And then, I have my first kiss. And we're just sorta standing there, and I'm smiling and he's like, you look really cute when you smile, and he kisses me when i'm smiling. And it shocks me for a moment, then i get used to it, like i was inbuilt with a kissing mechanism. And then it starts. Like, the funny fuzzy feelings, like we're totally supposed to be together, and hormones and stuff are acting up, and i know love is just hormones, but god, it's so complex. Then I'm leaving, and he gives me that necklace, and I realise we both felt so strongly about each other and never told each other. And then I leave, and i lose touch with him, and he says he still cares for me, and i say i don't feel anything anymore. I don't. I feel... like, I can't feel for him again. Like, I can't be with him without living painful memories. So, here, this is my resolution. This is the last I shall speak of Ben and I. There is no Ben and me. It was just....i don't know, a summer fling, between two teenagers who didn't know any better. I hope Ben moves on soon, and gets an awesome girlfriend and has an amazing life and gets married and has a gagillion kids and a white picket fence, and an amazing career.
